Hanging Saddam doll

A Connecticut toy company, Herobuilders, has started selling the 'Saddam Hanging doll'.

The two-piece hanging doll for Barzan al-Tikriti, Saddam's half-brother, is already selling for half-price.

Beat up on Condoleezza Rice week

Ousted UN ambassador John Bolton said Condoleezza Rice is wasting time trying to restart the Middle East peace process.

Barbara Boxer said Condoleezza Rice has time to waste on the Middle East peace process because she didn't waste time having children or grandchildren.

First Wives World Wide Web

First Wives World, an online social networking site for divorced women is set to launch this spring.

What about the risk of losing advertisers to some hotter, younger site?

- Heather Green in Business Week

Beckham does L.A. - Ferguson

David Beckham is coming to L.A. to play for the Galaxy Soccer Team.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, "L.A. has a soccer team?".

- Craig Ferguson

Cold in New York - Letterman

It's so cold in New York that Barry Bonds tested positive for soup.

- David Letterman

Surge in procrastination

A study published in the Psychological Bulletin finds after 10 years of research that procrastination is on the rise in Americans.

The study was supposed to be done 5 years ago. This post was supposed to be up yesterday.

Tasers'r'us - Conan

The company that makes police Taser guns has begun selling a new model to the general public.

The new Taser gun is available at any store - in the "accident waiting to happen" aisle.

- Conan O'Brien

Bush congratulates Ortega - Conan

President Bush phoned President Daniel Ortega of Nicaragua to congratulate him on his election.

The phone call got off to an awkward start when Bush told Ortega that he loves his taco shells.

- Conan O'Brien

Paris gets serious - Conan

Paris Hilton says she is determined to show everyone that she's a serious actress.

To prove her point, Paris had a threesome with Sir Ben Kingsley and Sir Anthony Hopkins.

- Conan O'Brien

Armed and Dangerous with Erik and LaToya - Letterman

CBS has a new celebrity reality show called "Armed and Dangerous" with Erik Estrada and LaToya Jackson.

Don't miss the next week’s episode when they add the celebrities.

- David Letterman

Six Flags sells seven parks on the seashore

Theme-park operator Six Flags plans to sell seven of its parks for $312 million, and will now be known as Five Flags.

Surge in Iraq

President Bush outlined his new plan for Iraq called the "new way forward”.

Speech indicates huge surge in the use of the term "new" in describing Iraq plans.

Britney and Paris - "Worst dressed" and "Style-free"

Britney Spears and Paris Hilton tied for the No. 1 spot on Mr. Blackwell's 47th annual "Worst Dressed" list and were called "two peas in an overexposed pod" that were "style-free and fashion deprived".

DPLC objected to the characterization and called it insulting to the intelligence, modesty and fashion sense of peas in a press release from the Dry Pea and Lentil Council.

"Plutoed" - 2006 Word of the Year

"Plutoed" has been voted 2006's Word of the Year by the American Dialect Society.

Runner-up "Macaca" claims the polling was racially biased.

Kylie tops best-dressed list

Australian pop star Kylie Minogue has topped fashion magazine Glamour's annual list of best dressed female celebrities.

Britney's bottom tops least-dressed list.

Moss to marry - Letterman

Supermodel Kate Moss and troubled rocker Pete Doherty are planning to get married.

If you would like to send them something, they are registered at 'Bed, Bath and Rehab'.

- David Letterman

Tuning in to Oprah - Borowitz

FBI has arrested a man for secretly wiretapping Oprah Winfrey.

FBI spokesman said, "If anybody's going to be eavesdropping on innocent American citizens, it should be us."

- Andy Borowitz

Japanese nukes - Leno

Reports say that Japan could make a nuclear weapon in 3 to 5 years.

Japanese nuclear weapons would be similar to American nuclear weapons but be smaller and more fuel efficient.

- Jay Leno

Oil drops - Leno

The price of oil has now dropped to under $59 a barrel.

In just one week, oil corporation profits have fallen from 'obscene' to just 'indecent'.

- Jay Leno

Toyota stops for drunks - Conan

Toyota is developing a car with a new device that will automatically stop the car if the driver has had too much to drink.

The device is called "oncoming traffic".
- Conan O'Brien

Desperate dolls - Conan

A toy company has come out with new dolls based on the characters from "Desperate Housewives".

The company says the "Desperate Housewives" doll are perfect for the little girl who's on her third marriage.

- Conan O'Brien

Quit Iraq early - Leno

The prime minister of Iraq said in an interview that he would not accept a second term in office and he wishes he could quit early.

He says he has other interests he'd like to pursue – like trying to stay alive.

- Jay Leno

Something about Cameron - Fergusan

Justin Timberlake has broken up with his girlfriend Cameron Diaz. The Hollywood buzz apparently is she was too old for him.

This breakup has made Demi Moore very nervous. She's doubled Ashton's allowance so you know it is serious.

- Craig Ferguson

Indiana Jones returns - Letterman

Harrison Ford at the age of 64 is making another Indiana Jones movie.

In this one he enters an Egyptian tomb and says, "What did I come in here for?"

- David Letterman

Saddam's last words - Leno

Saddam's last words: "I knew I should have asked for a trial in LA"

- Jay Leno

Mick Jagger's secret - Leno

Mick Jagger's secret to looking young – standing next to Keith Richards

- Jay Leno

Massage for dogs - Leno

Ritz Carlton in Sarasota Florida is offering dog massages for $130.

My cat's therapist thinks this is a total waste of money.

- Jay Leno

Britney Spears in rehab - Borowitz

Britney Spears checked into a rehab center today after being driven there by her one-year-old son, Sean Preston.

- Andy Borowitz

Gaydar for women - Leno

Lifetime has a new reality show, "Gay, Straight or Taken" where a women has to figure out if a man is gay, straight or married.

That's easy, if the man listens to you he's gay, if he pretends to listen to you he's straight, and if he doesn't listen to you he's married.

- Jay Leno

Speaking of Nancy Pelosi - Conan

Nancy Pelosi was formally elected speaker of the House this morning.

Experts say Nancy Pelosi is now the country's most powerful non-Oprah woman.

- Conan O'Brien

Bush goes postal - Conan

President Bush signed a new postal law that allows him to open anyone's mail without a warrant.

If you are upset about this law, you can let Bush know by writing to your sister.

- Conan O'Brien

Best film nominees - FunNews

Producers Guild of America has announced nominees for 2006's best films, including musical "Dreamgirls" and crime thriller "The Departed".

"Rocky Balboa" narrowly beat out "Apocalypto" in the foreign language category.

Ceremonial drops - Letterman

In Times Square New Yorkers celebrated the new year by dropping the ball from the roof.

In Iraq they celebrated the new year by dropping the dictator through the hole in the floor.

- David Letterman

Indiana Jones sequel - FunNews

Nineteen years after the third sequel, Harrison Ford will start work on the fourth Indiana Jones movie this June.

Instead of cracking a whip, Indiana Jones cracks a hip in "Indiana Jones and the lost dentures".

Bull cabs in NY - FunNews

Some cabs in New York are decked out in cowhide and bull horns to promote a bull-riding event.

PETA is protesting the bull cabs and holding a demonstration with naked cabs.

Schwarzenegger breaks a leg - Conan

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been released from the hospital after surgery for a broken leg.

Doctors say while his leg will stay broken for two months, his English will stay broken for ever.
- Conan O'Brien

Overweight kids - Leno

USA Today is reporting that one-third of American children are overweight.

Things have gotten so bad that in the kids Santa pictures in the mall, Santa is now the little one.
- Jay Leno

Meat on meat - Leno

Carl's Jr. now has a Philly Cheesesteak Burger and a Pastrami Burger.

Have we become so fat that meat is now a condiment to other meat.
- Jay Leno

Rams become less gay - FunNews

Scientists in Oregon are reporting "considerable success" in changing the sexuality of gay sheep by injecting hormones, with some previously gay rams becoming attracted to ewes.

Similar experimental treatment to make Ted Haggard less gay by injecting hormones is showing some success, with Ted becoming more attracted to ewes.

World Champion Liar - FunNews

James Wilberg of Wisconsin has been named 'World Champion Liar' by the Burlington Liars Club.

Burlington Liars Club is unable to confirm this story for logical reasons.

Bush's exit strategy - Borowitz

President Bush's new year resolutions:

Resolve to announce an exit strategy and withdraw all of our troops from Iraq – through Iran.

- Andy Borowitz

Britney causes global warming - Borowitz

A giant ice shelf collapsed in the Canadian arctic, spurring rumors that the ice shelf had been partying with Britney Spears.

- Andy Borowitz

Bosses break promises - FunNews

Wayne Hochwarter, an associate professor at Florida State University, is reporting results of a study that found that 2 of 5 bosses don't keep their promises.

Wayne's boss has been supportive of the research and has promised not to fire him.

Fluorescent green pigs - FunNews

Scientists from National Taiwan University claim they have successfully bred three little pigs which glow fluorescent green in the dark.

Despite a lot of huffing and puffing, attempts to breed a fluorescent green big bad wolf were unsuccessful.