Glue spill closes Ind 67 in Pendleton
Indiana 67 in Pendleton remained closed for a time this afternoon as cleanup crews mopped up part of a barrel of Bond Master glue that spilled from the back of a semi rig.
...no one was seriously hurt but many commuters were STUCK in traffic for hours
Who ate all the pies?
Sonya Thomas from Virginia, USA won £1,000 in an extreme eating event in UK by eating 46 mince pies in ten minutes
...British food is getting such a bad reputation that they have to pay people to eat it
...Guiness World Records has no comment on the biggest burp reported after the contest
Battle rages on over fireman who ate dog food
A black firefighter who stood to collect nearly $3 million over a prank involving dog food in his spaghetti is at the center of a political and racial furor in Los Angeles
...Michael Richards apologizes to the black community for the dog food incident
Please fasten your seatbelt and cross your legs..
A Chinese airline is urging passengers to go to the bathroom before they board "to spend their pennies before boarding the aircraft"
...no comments on spending dollars
ABBA to Get Museum in Sweden Devoted to Music
"ABBA will get its own museum in Sweden showcasing the group's music. This will be the first museum where the elevator music and the exhibition are the same" - Jay Leno
Stones' Bigger Bang tour is biggest ever
"Rolling Stones Bigger Bang is the biggest tour ever in terms of ticket sales - what's even more amazing is that most of their audience was buying the senior citizen discount tickets" - Jay Leno
Face transplant woman can smile again
"In fact doctors are saying that she has more face movement now than most women in Beverly Hills" - Jay Leno
Snoop Dogg arrested for third time in three months
"Michael Richards apologizes to the black community for the arrest of Snoop Dogg" - Jay Leno
Vick Fined $10,000 for Obscene Gesture
"Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is in trouble after giving the finger to fans after Sunday’s game"
- "New York Giants Eli Manning tried giving the finger too but it was intercepted"
- "Oakland Raiders were fined for NOT lifting a finger all year"
- Jay Leno
White House Christmas Tree Arrives
"Just what we need in the White House - more dead wood" - David Letterman
"This year's white house Christmas Tree is a Norwegian Spruce - yet another example of Norwegian trees taking jobs away from American trees" - Conan
White House unhappy over media using term 'civil war' for Iraq
"Bush White House is unhappy about the use of the term 'civil war' to describe the situation in Iraq - they would much prefer 'Explosion-filled misunderstanding' - Conan O'Brien
Women talk three times as much as men
"A new study suggests that women talk three times as much as men. It all works out as men only listen to one-third of what women say" - Jay Leno
Speeding couple given toy
A German couple caught speeding on their way to give birth were given a toy for their new baby instead of a ticket. Police cancelled the fine and sent them a toy police officer in uniform - holding a speed camera
...police also clarify that speeding to "make babies" is not same as "give birth"
'Pregnant' man in trouble
A South African man is in trouble after he faked a sick note which said he needed time off work because he was pregnant.
...he now blames PMS for his lack of judgement
Every year, President Bush gets to pardon one turkey, and this year it was Donald Rumsfeld
- David Letterman
Henry Kissinger says the war in Iraq is un-winnable. And if anybody knows how not to win a war its Henry Kissinger.
- Jay Leno
President Bush is visiting Estonia and he thanked them for sending troops to Iraq. His exact words were, "Those two guys are doing a good job.”
- Conan O'Brien
Soon we’ll have universal gift cards. Cards that can be used at any store. Didn’t that used to be called money?
- Jay Leno
The Hollywood Christmas Parade was this weekend. This years theme was "Why wait until December?”
- Jay Leno
Beverage firm offers pea-flavored soda
After introducing the world to new soda flavors like fish taco and salmon, Seattle specialty beverage maker Jones Soda Co. is offering a new flavor: Green pea.
...initial reviews are in - "it tastes like horse-pea"
Golf takes off in space
Mikhail Tyurin, a Russian cosmonaut, is set to hit a golf ball during a spacewalk outside the International Space Station.
...a quick game of nine blackholes
...in related news Nasa is creating its first ever plaid space suit
"The Democrats have been in power for less than two weeks and already they're fighting among themselves. ... Say what you want about the Republican Congress, those guys were always on the same PAGE."
Bill Maher
Fox has cancelled the O.J. Simpson book and television special. O.J. was very upset. You have to hate people in entertainment, it’s just like somebody to turn around and stab you in the back.
Jay Leno
People have been camping outside stores for days in wait to get a PS3 - there have been riots and even a shooting. So now we have proof that video games kill brain cells.
Jay Leno
Pelosi says 'no' on Rangel's draft
Nancy Pelosi, rejected Rep. Charlie Rangel's call for a reinstatement of the draft to promote shared sacrifice
...Rangel mulling other popular ideas from the past to expand the appeal of the Democrats including prohibition and price-controls
..."shared sacrifice" by the nation or "shared electoral suicide" by the Democrats?
Cheney considers refusing subpoenas
Vice President Dick Cheney told ABC News that if he got subpoenaed by Congress he'd probably refuse to show up.
...does the draft-deferment thing work for subpoenas
Clean restrooms are latest New York attraction
Charmin, the toilet paper company has set up clean restrooms in New York to get their product "into the hands of consumers"
...next up clean-smelling subway by SpeedStick to get their product "into the armpits of consumers"
'Seinfeld's' Kramer Hurls Slurs at hecklers
Michael Richards, who played Kramer on "Seinfeld" reportedly hurled racial epithets at two hecklers at a LA comedy club
... Mel Gibson to play Richards in the movie version
Fans make Borat President of Kazakhstan
Borat fans logged onto internet site Wikipedia and edited the page for the fictional character’s home nation to make Borat President of Kazakhstan
…in other news fans make Arnold Schwarzenegger Governor for make benefit glorious state of California
Accountants have become hot commodities
“Sarbanes-Oxley effect” has increased demand for accountants
…Accountants still not very hot in bars despite sexy Sarbox pickup lines
Duct tape no magical cure for warts
Dutch researchers reported on Monday that Duct tape does not work any better than doing nothing to cure warts in schoolchildren.
…in other news duct tape may work better than schoolchildren to plug holes in Dutch dykes
Indian men expect their brides to be virgins
In a recent poll, nearly two-thirds of young Indian men expect the woman they marry to be a virgin
…In another poll young Indian women expect 2 out of 3 men to be delusional
Toddler gets travel ban, arrest warrant
A two-year-old boy was briefly banned from boarding a Turkey-bound flight in the United Arab Emirates after his name appeared on a list of wanted suspects.
…Homeland Security issues advisory to expecting parents to NOT name their kids “bin-laden” or “threat level orange”
Psychic says clairvoyant led U.S. to Saddam
Celebrity psychic Uri Geller, best known for his spoon-bending antics, says a clairvoyant led U.S. troops to Saddam Hussein’s hole
…Clairvoyant not available for interviews as he is still busy sniffing for WMDs. Mr. Geller is available for spoon-bending if needed by the U.S. Army
Former weightlifter named Scrabble Champion
A former weightlifter, Jake Jacobs, has been crowned this year’s National Scrabble Champion at the event in London
… in other news, former Scrabble Champion, Adam Logan, a multilingual mathematician, has NOT been crowned the National Weighlifting Champion
For today's humor visit Giglish.com
